What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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