Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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