So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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