words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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