I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
