Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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