home. puking in laundry basket.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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