If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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