her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
