chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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