remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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