Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
