mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
