Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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