I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
