A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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