I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
