Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
