So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
