Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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