I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
