So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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