rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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