also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
