just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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