At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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