life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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