Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
