I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
