i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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