New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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