i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
