That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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