The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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