This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
