I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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