if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
