I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
