The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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