it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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