So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
