Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your cock deserves a montage
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
