I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
