I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
