She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
