I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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