Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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