Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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