Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
