Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
