why do cheetos always look like penises
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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