We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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